Where was I? Working in the Pediatrics clinic at Womack Army Medical as borrowed military from the Air Force in my BDUs. I was assigned to Pope Air Force Base but worked at Womack.

I weighed half a stone less and with permed hair shaved on the sides. I hated my job, and I hated who I was during that time, initially.

I remember walking past the sick waiting  room staring at the screen as the first tower was burning and then the second plane hit. I remember, asking the NP something stupid like,”Is this a terrorist attacK?” And she gave me an equally incredulous look, like” Girl you stupid, of course this is an attack.” In rapid succession, the rest of the base closed down, and prepare a back up bag in the car to prepare for a long haul and being on lock down on base. No traveling outside of the city, no flights in out of anywhere for almost 4 months or so. How the other Army Pediatricians, attached to units were being scrambled getting ready to deploy. All  the  while at nearby Pope AFB the flight surgeons and other Pediatricians and Family Practice docs, getting ready for Humanitarian missions. All of us on high alert, all of us proud to be in military, ready to serve. How dare these fools, hijack our -ish and blow it up! How can you hate us that much? Dude, you don’t even know me.

Fractured, mistrustful

Where are we now? Broken, hurt, anxious, and hateful all of these at once is my usual state, and I am not ashamed to say it out loud. The last 20 years has been a one-two punch of a series of unfortunate events, when we hunted down and eliminated Bin Laden and his cronies and we didn’t leave. A poorly and ill advised Doha Treaty to the Saigon 2.0 Like retreat from Kabul. Embarrassing and disheartening. The fools my homies in Special Forces, Marines, and Navy Seals ran throughout the mountains, skipping back into Kabul like we haven’t been fighting them for 2 decades. The newly installed Taliban Government said,  “Hmm, they rebuilt the country again, we got this treaty and even though we were in violation of the terms of the treaty since the beginning, we know these foolish infidels will hold up their end just in time for when our cousins attacked them 20 years ago. Byeee, stupid Americans and NATO, and good riddance! And you can’t make us act like anyone in the West, because we are not of the West.” All the while all of us stalked by contagion that people willfully disregard logic and science to deny the existence of this never ending plague fighting against the very things that will save their lives, making fun of those dying of this preventable disease, but demanding excellent care. How, when doctors are doing procedures outside of their scope of practice, because they can’t get the patient to an actual specialist. Nurses working the 4th or 5th 16 hour-shift with 5 and 6 critically ill patients, all the while caring for patients who didn’t care enough about themselves or community to do all they can not to get a disease and become a burden to an overwhelmed system. Selfish in their self assurance they can act the fool and there be no consequences. Lawmakers making horrible decisions to seemingly line their own pockets. What if they are passing laws and making decrees to prolong this plague, completely violating the terms of their positions to protect the welfare of the public only to line their pockets. Dude, follow the money, warning, you will need to take many baths because it is a dirty trail. 

Is that a light of a oncoming train…well yes it is

   I have had to curate what I read and watch of the news not to be triggered and downright angry. Contagion, Fire, War, it is like the end times, every minute of everyday. But yet, I go on living. Finding things I love, figuring out little things like why my dog, #ethelmertz will eat broccoli and hates her Science Diet Kibble.

Finding my favorite movies, and discovering new shows to stream on the major streaming services. Finding new podcasts like Even The Rich, a Podcast that @demtriallucas hipped me to on her podcast #ratchedandrespectful, thanks girl! That light I mentioned can be that of a runaway train, tractor trailer, or just the security lights triggered when the neighbors cat decide to sit on my furniture like he or she actually lives here. But even troubles and life in general is only what you make it, choose happiness or choose hatred. I mostly choose happiness, and pity the fool that run up on me crazy. 

Hope for the next 20 years…

I will remember this day in my own way. Counting my blessings with a tinge of resentment that it took me so long to get here. Because, in the blink of an eye, gone in a puff of smoke, covered in ash and twisted metal. My wish for whatever letter this next generation represents, will remember the significance of the day. I wish they will not forget the loss of lives the 3000 individuals who died in those towers, and another 3000 service members and contractors that gave their lives in the 20 years since, in protecting us from harm. I hope, they will not feel the pain of loss of time and potential. My hope for them and myself is to never have another tragic remembrance  of violence and harm like this we remember today, that is why I can’t forget what has already happened before.  I pray for the survivors and the lost families, the fire and police members everyone affected by this tragic event. I don’t want to go through this again. I pray for our nation for a little bit of the humanity and solidarity that bound us together to fight the Al Qaeda Cells and hunt down the Bin Laden, just a little of that will help us tackle COVID, Climate Change and Hurricane Beat down America. I am hopeful, that some bad things will happen but we will get through them together. I hope….