I just completed listening to author, Councilman Yeme William Jawando’s My 7 Black Fathers.

The last chapter and I believe the richest part of the book was his reconciliation with his own father, Olayinka; Nigerian, proud, and selfish. Dude refused treatment when he was still Stage 1 and favorable, because he didn’t want to be incontinent and have erectile dysfunction and ended up bedridden and incontinent faster because he thought he could heal himself with green smoothies and vitamins. Seriously. (eye-roll) Look at me judging him even after he passed away in 2017 from advanced prostate cancer.

My own complicated feelings in reference to my lack of relationship with my own father leading to my inability or unwillingness to trust men in general rest squarely on my shoulders. My distrust stems from that lack of relationship and limited exposure to exceptional stand-ins. I would not know who to trust and feel ok and safe to do somewhat a retrospective look at other familial marriages and long-term relationships only as an adult. Only from a non-threatening distance, and being near-sighted, I think I still got some things incorrect.

I am not feeling so unsettled these days, starting to feel comfortable in my own skin around family and people of color, and most people for that matter, as I control my narrative. The rage at being in forever-code-switch as I interact with corporate systems and processes that I wouldn’t generally have to if I ran shit is tempered by the fact of a new successful chapter waiting for me as I navigate this maze called life.

My transition from a place of psychological vulnerability to strengthened character is always a work in progress, and that’s ok. The journey to enlightenment is fun if you pause and remain present. All I want to do is listen/read every book on the planet and publish my podcast! Will the reader help me do just that?

Next up by author, forever POTUS, Barack Obama Dreams From My Father.